so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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