guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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