How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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