East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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