it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
