This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
