I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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