Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
