I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
