I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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