He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
