I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
