If i come over, it means nothing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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