i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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