Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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