Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
