Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
birth control should be required to get into college
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
