My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
