he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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