I will die if light touches me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
