She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
