this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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