Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
