On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
