does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
