The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
