I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
