I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
