drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
