so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
