Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
