I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
