Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
