Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
