Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
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I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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