she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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