Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
