probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
