I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
