he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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