he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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