Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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