There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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