think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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