You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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