break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
