I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize