I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
