When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
