I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
