I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
