I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
