pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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