once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
