my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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