Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
