the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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