just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
