chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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