i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
