in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
