I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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