So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
