I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
