the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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