it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
