Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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