I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
