Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
